They had known each other for several years, but got a LOT of criticism from many, many people. For them, this was the right decision, and I am proud of them for standing up for themselves. I knew in 3 months that this was the man I wanted to marry. We got engaged in December of and married in May of My parents questioned it but we are both very responsible people and it was totally out of character for us to jump into things the way we did, which in a way made them more comfortable.
All together it was like 17 months from meeting to married. We did not live together before, and I will say, it is different than we exspected. He had never lived with a chick other than his mom, and I had never lived with a guy other than my dad, so there were serious adjustments to make, but I am still so increidbly happy we are married. Reality struck when we got home and had to pay our bills together, work on chores and such, figuring out roles and all that jazz.
That transition is most likely not as acute when you have already been living with someone but for us, it has been a little hard adjusting. But the fun times are way more awesome than the crappy ones! We lived together after 5 months of dating because I lost my job and he moved in to take over the bills. Although Fiance and have been together for 4 years I was 19 and he was 24 ,we knew after just a a month or so of dating that our relationship was better than any other we had been in. Everything worked out well!
Sorry, OP, a bit of a hijack… Dell We dated for a year and a month before we got engaged. After we met, we saw each other every day for a week. Then he left to Arkansas for work. After two weeks, he paid to fly me down to see him for a week. Then a few weeks later, he came up to get me to take me to Montana to meet his family. I came back home and after two days he was back in PA because he requested to continue working there. He stayed here for less than two months. After that, he had to go to North Dakota for work. Well, this might not come as a shock, but there's no definition of what's "normal.
Even though everyone—your parents and extended family members and friends—will have an opinion on the matter, from "You're jumping in too quickly! Only you can know when you're ready to take the next step. But as a baseline, Ian Kerner , PhD, LMFT, licensed psychotherapist, couple's therapist and author of She Comes First , suggests that one to two years is often a good amount of time to date before getting engaged.
And generally, that can happen in a year You want to have some problems emerge and see how you deal with problems together. For me, it's more about the range of experiences that lend themselves to compatibility rather than the amount of time.
Want to keep in touch, but haven't brought it up with her yet. Tell her the label isn't important to you, you just had a good time with her and would like to get to know her more, because she's right, dates can be rough or anxiety-ridden. Whether that's just texting, feeling each other out, or going out; it's all cool with you.
Just let her know it doesn't have to be that way and you're fine with it. Plant the seed, girls don't forget. I've had chance at a couple girls in my past after i had previously crushed on them hard but they weren't dating at the time, only for it to come back because i was lax with it. If anything, she'll remember how you were different about it, and best thing she may have a next awful date with a guy and think back and at how she wants a guy who's like you and not trying too hard.
Their 3 year relationship is probably a lot more complicated than the 30 words used to describe it, BabysitterSteve. Sorry to hear that but in a way this post is quite refreshing.
I consider myself a romantic, not cynical when it comes to relationships, but it just seems immensely irresponsible. Why not just wait a bit? I'm so so happy that some people are happy in their relationships, but just because they were successful doesn't mean getting married was a good idea. I've been with my SO nearly 7 years and we probably won't get married for another 3.
We aren't going anywhere.. That's how I feel too! Been with my SO 8 years and we are finally engaged. It's all about the right timing. Yes we could've been married already, but we waited till we had our careers and a stable living situation. Every couple is different though and may not want to wait so long. I was in a similar situation. Married a good person who was not right for me. I owed it to both of us to not stay in a relationship and life that was making me miserable.
Three years later, I am happier than I ever thought possible. We eloped five months after meeting for the first time. Typical online dating story. I initially ignored his message because I thought he looked like an insufferable hipster in his profile picture. After chatting for a few days, we arranged to have lunch together on a Wednesday at a"Too Cool For Me" restaurant that specialized in biscuit sandwiches.
I told you; Insufferable hipster. I almost canceled the day of. Little effort was put into my appearance. I wore a t-shirt with a hole in it. I had strong doubts about guys with beards. I was recently divorced.
It depends. Do you have a job? Can you support her should that be necessary? Are you ready to dedicate the rest of your life to taking care of her? Romantic. In May last year, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson announced their engagement after just weeks of dating. it may be too soon [to get engaged] as the feelings you have for one another may be lust as opposed to love.
Things didn't look good. I did not believe in love at first sight u til that afternoon, when his eyes met mine, and I thought, "Huh. So THAT is the father of my unborn children". The exact same thing ran through his head. Our lunch date lasted for three days. His friends thought he had been kidnapped. It was insane and improbable and it was the beginning of everything that ever mattered and the end of everything that didn't. It is six years later, and our son is asleep next to me as I write this.
We moved out of the city and got a farm. There are alpacas and vegetables. I am sober six years last month. He makes his own sausage and butchers chickens. I am glad as fuck I did not cancel lunch, and I am proud to say that now, I am an insufferable hipster, too. Arranged marriages are kind of nice- they're like the ghetto beater car you get when you turn It doesn't matter what it looks like, what it is, you won't get judged for driving it, it was likely in-part provided by your parents, and even if it's kind of a shitty car you learn to love it because it's the only car you've ever had, it's yours and yours alone And even though Jim gives out occasionally you've learned that his spark plugs are loose, that his windows leak, and he smells like potatoes- you accommodate for Jim, because you love Jim.
And he's the only Jim you've ever loved.
Ah, I hate to disagree after you described it so poetically, but my parents' marriage is an arranged one and let me tell you how dysfunctional it is. They've been married for 30 years and I think they spent good 10 years of that fighting and and a year of that not talking to each other. They have very different personalities and simply refuse to adapt to one another because they're so stubborn.
Most of their fights revolve around the same thing, a thing that can be easily solved if one party just put some effort in solving it. My sister once said: I personally like hanging out with my dad more our personalities are similar , but when they include me in one of their fights and ask me to pick a side, I back out immediately. It's their marriage and even if they want an outsider's perspective on their marriage, it shouldn't be their child.
They both love their wives. I think this is the biggest reason marriages fail.
Marriage is a full and unselfish commitment to another person and it needs to come from both sides. Love is nice and also important but that feeling wanes and waxes over time. This is also why people who want to and are able to commit to their partner can get married to each other after 2 days and make it work for the rest of their lives. Started "dating" on a Saturday, bought the marriage license Monday and was married Tuesday. I just felt it. We've been married ten years now.
No, my parents had off work. The only reason my hungover ass got out of bed was because they bought a new car and wanted me to go out to dinner with them in it. My parents were married after 6 months of knowing eachother and my mom was not pregnant despite everyone thinking otherwise. Dad said he woke up one day and couldn't imagine his life without her. Mom said they were on their way home from a friends wedding and realized she didn't question for a second that she would be marrying him eventually, so they decided to just go ahead and do it.
Still married, going on 35 yrs.
When I got engaged dated 1. Engaged after 8 months, married a year later. Coming up on 4th anniversary on the 13th and cautiously expecting our first baby after a long year of recurrent losses. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary and about your first baby. I hope you'll have a safe delivery. You and your husband deserve so much happiness. I'll be sorely disappointed if you don't flood the internet with baby pictures. Unlike most I love pictures of other people's kids and especially of kids you had to work hard to make. Knew after 2 weeks, married a year after that, still going strong at 9.
Just very compatible in almost every way while still having different interests to keep it interesting. Devotion to the cause. We both have it and could see it then. Have to be willing to work I things when you and they grow as people. If all they want is the image of you at that point in time and nothing else then it will end poorly.
It wasn't live "one date and off to Vegas" fast but it was pretty fast compared to some - we were engaged in 6 months and married within a year. I knew on our first date, when I discovered that the beautiful woman I was sitting across from had read Jackie Chan's autobiography. We've now been married almost 7 years and have the most amazing 5 year old ever. Sometimes we get bored and it loses its magic and sometimes everything come flooding back and we're just as passionate as we were when it began. Right now we are in a passion phase. I'm sure it will cool off again eventually but the key there seems to be just being cool with it and trusting the passion will come back around again.
In the meantime, even when it's not hot and heavy, she is always my best friend. I met my wife when we were 2 and a half years old. We became best friends until 8 years old when i moved to the US. We had zero contact for 7 years. When we were 15 i went back to Poland where our families spent a month together vacationing. I had just came home in late November from an Afghanistan deployment and decided to visit family in Poland during my 30 days off.
We hooked up and dated that whole month until i went home. I don't really think there is "the one" and this is coming from a guy who loves his wife very much. There are over 7 billion of us on this planet, I'm sure it's possible to find multiple "one"s. That said, if you have any doubts about who you are thinking of marrying, then consider very well before comitting. As Dan Savage says, you find that. But yeah if there are a lot of doubts, slow your roll and reconsider.
It's not doubt actually. I'm actually thinking just from the moment I met him that he's the one. It's still too early but I just know that I've found my home. I would recommend living together for a while first, if you can. Also go on holiday together, and see how that goes. I highly recommend an activity in which you are required to act as a team. Something like rock climbing or two-person kayaking. Slight stress while doing something that requires communication which in reality should be fun. If you can laugh during and kiss at the end, you have passed a small gauntlet.
That happened to us this summer, we had a 3 hour backtrack to get around a closure And we were happy about it?! I've always known my girlfriend was the one but it really sunk in when we took a trip together earlier this year and basically talked for six hours straight. The vacation was the most relaxing one I've ever been on - even with her having some health issues and us being a bit rushed. Everything was laid back and calm even when time was on the line. Me and my wife had our first kindof argument the other week this after 6 years together -yes people think that's weird.
It was over directions while driving in a local town. We just looked at each other and said "Did we just have our first argument? We cannot stay mad at each other. Anyways if you can achieve that on a short drive, then yes 18 hours should truly settle it. This is pretty solid advice, as living with someone isn't always the same as seeing them often.
But then there's only so much you can predict and account for. It is worth mentioning that often when one partner feels too strongly that way, it creates a dedication imbalance of sorts. In worst cases it causes you to put people on a pedestal which poisons what could otherwise have been a healthy relationship and seldom ends well. In less disastrous cases, it still often ends up driving the other partner further rather than bringing them closer.
I would recommend you sincerely try to understand what people here are saying about the idea of the one being unhelpful and that given healthy mindsets, there can be millions of partners you could have equally successful and satisfying lifelong partnerships with. This is not to suggest your partner isn't already one of them, in which case if course that's fantastic, but to keep you both grounded and keep things healthy. So you're saying there's only one person in this world that you consider suitable for marriage? Because that's what basically "the one" means.
I been married to my wife for 16 years. I don't consider her the one. She's awesome, sweet, caring and gorgeous. But who's to say I couldn't have found someone like her in another part of the country. That's my problem with the saying "The One. Engaged about to get married. Together for 6 years. Im not that myopic to think we met in the same town and she was the one.
I would have found someone else if I lived on the opposite end of the country. I too don't think there's a "one". A columnist I read has a saying: I'm willing to overlook his flaws and the ways in which we aren't perfect, because the ways in which we are outweigh that. Let's say you're in America and you met your wife in, let's say New York?
Who's to say you couldn't have met someone with the same qualities as your wife in Miami? Like you said, there are many "a" ones. When people say "the one", it sounds like they met the ONE person in the world who could love them. And to me that's a pessimistic way of thinking. My dad proposed to my mom after 2 weeks and they've been together almost 30 years now. Honestly, I can't even date someone for two years and commit to having the same socks in a drawer so I don't know how they did it My parents got engaged 3 months after they met, then married 6 months after that. Today, they are very happily divorced, but their marriage did last 25 years which is pretty substantial.
My mom told me as an adult that after they got married he turned out to be completely different than she thought. The whirlwind romance made sense to her at the time because she really felt like she knew him well but everything she thought she knew was flipped upside down after time passed.
However, due to the times she "stuck it out". I don't think it was all bad, but I don't think they felt any romantic way towards each other once the kids came along. I feel like their story is important, because it's really not about the number of years you are married but rather about the quality. We kinda knew on our first date. We had talked through text quite a bit before we finally met, but there was such a strong connection when we finally talked in person.
On our second date, I was pretty sure I would never feel this way about anyone else. About a month later we were talking and realized we were both thinking the same thing, and could not imagine life with anyone else, and started discussing marriage. Several months later we were married. Neither of us take marriage lightly, and previously to our relationship neither of us planned to marry. Sometimes you just know. It's been absolutely wonderful so far and we just keep falling for each other over and over. I don't know if I believe in soulmates or anything, but I've chosen him to be "my one" and he's chosen me.
We can't imagine it any differently and I'm happy I'm gonna get to go through life with him. I went through a similar thing where with all my exes, I pretty much saw them all as temporary girlfriends, and not life partners. With my current SO, I can't not see her as my future wife. Got together and got engaged after a week because It was unequivocal for both of us.
I knew he was "The One" about 90 minutes after meeting him. He was in the hallway when three men opened fire on him and he stopped the bullets midair with his mind. I think at the heart of this is an important truth, but I also think you won't get many answers here that address the exact question I think you are trying to ask.
Overall, the most important thing that makes a relationship last a long time and "happily" is that both parties are dedicated to staying together and being happy -- and it's more about being happy with what you have than working to help the other person be happy. Many many people in arranged marriages who hardly had a conversation before they wed are in long, happy marriages.
This may even be the rule rather than the exception. My point is that getting married after knowing someone for a relatively short amount of time probably doesn't correlate much with people finding someone who is exactly for them in terms of who they are. It has more to do with a shared goal and the willingness to make the sacrifices to get there.
Also, I expect the responses here will be full of selection bias because I don't think you will hear from many people who are a few years into one of these marriages and having second thoughts. This is not something people like to brag or complain about on the internet with strangers, or pretty much anyone.
This isn't even something people find easy to admit to themselves. People who are happy after a year or two, are not necessarily going to be happy after ten years. I think an important counterpoint question, which I have seen asked here in threads full of responses is: I read very recently about an observation that generally, people either have "growth beliefs" or "destiny beliefs" with regards to relationships. People who believe in destiny tend to have short, fiery relationships while growth focused individuals tend to take longer to "warm up" and believe people can "learn to love" another person.
You may not be surprised to learn that relationships involving destiny beliefs are easier to break down, stray from, or lose interest in, while relationships more focused on growth tend to succeed at a higher frequency. My belief is that marriage is a constant, active, and intense giving up of yourself. The giving up of your individual dreams, wishes, desires, freedom, pride etc on a second to second basis. I feel like destiny relationships fizzle out because they rely on this passive force destiny instead of taking part in conscious and deliberate methods that will grow and nurture and develop the ever-changing relationship.
Destiny allows people to give up any responsibility they have had in letting a relationship fail. We're getting married in February after dating for less than six months, engaged after three. It was a big song and dance for us. We both had feelings for each other, but I was fresh out of a relationship and wanted something casual. He was inexperienced and wanted a real relationship. I thought he deserved much better than what I could offer. There was a year of ignoring what we felt before anything happened.